Is your Mum experiencing menopause?

Is your mum seeming different to before? Perhaps she is tired, forgetful, angry and tearful? Whilst sometimes it can feel hurtful and that you are to blame, it might be that your mum is experiencing symptoms of menopause. Maybe she knows but is unsure how to get help, or maybe she is unaware that the feelings she is experiencing are caused by menopause.

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As a child it can be really helpful to understand more about what your mum is experiencing and why, as well as some tips on how you, together with the rest of your family, can help support her.

What is menopause?

Menopause happens when women stop having periods; its sometimes known as ‘the change’, Average age for this is 51, although it can occur earlier or later.

Before this happens, women experience perimenopause, this is when a woman’s periods change and they can experience lots of very different symptoms.

If you are a teenager, it can help to understand that your mum is going through hormone changes similar to puberty, only in reverse.

What symptoms might my mum experience?

The symptoms can be vast and affect each person differently.  Your mum may notice a change to her periods, they may occur more or less often than before, and be heavier or lighter.  This can sometimes take her by surprise and make her feel uncomfortable or nervous in certain situations.  She may get hot flushes or night sweats, that means she suddenly gets very hot and sweaty.

She may experience mood swings, feel forgetful, emotional and overwhelmed.  This means she might feel happy one minute and sad the next without really knowing why.  Your mum might feel very tired and struggle to sleep, particularly if she feels very anxious, another common symptom of menopause.

There are other symptoms that affect how her body looks and feels, that can give her low self-esteem or can prove challenging for her in her relationships, at home, in work or in general.

How can you support your mum through menopause?

  • Educate yourself, and others in the family – the more you understand about what your mum is experiencing and the treatment options available the better
  • Share information about what you have learned with your mum, including information on treatment options using our website
  • Speak with your mum about how she feels at a time when she is not experiencing symptoms such as mood swings or a hot sweat.
  • Agree a phrase that your mum can use with the family when she needs some alone time to manage her symptoms. You might also agree that it is ok for you to use this word sensitively when you feel her actions are influenced by her hormone changes (as a teenager this may work for you too!)
  • Help them keep a track of their symptoms using our menopause tracker and diary
  • Encourage and support them to see their GP to talk about treatment options
  • Consider ways as a family you can all adopt a healthier lifestyle;
    • think of recipes you can cook full of leafy greens, lean meats and fish rich in Omega 3 fatty acids such as salmon
    • find time to move together, make it fun by dancing or even a short brisk walk somewhere new
    • create some peace time for your mum where she can rest perhaps to meditate or read alone

Above all, be patient and let your mum know you love them.

Preparing for your appointment

If your local surgery offers double appointments it’s a good idea to book one of these so that you’ll have enough time discuss your symptoms and concerns. Before your appointment, take a look at the symptoms list to record the menopausal symptoms that you’re experiencing.

Make a note of any changes to your periods, and bring a list of any medications that you’re taking, including herbal supplements. It’s also wise to jot down any questions or concerns, so that you don’t forget to mention them during your appointment. If you’re feeling anxious, you can bring along a friend or family member for moral support.

Your first appointment

According to the 2015 NICE menopause guidelines, your doctor should discuss the following:

  • the stages of menopause
  • common symptoms of the menopause
  • how the menopause is diagnosed
  • lifestyle changes that can help your health and wellbeing
  • benefits and risks of treatment
  • how the menopause can affect your future health

 

Your doctor may want to carry out blood tests to check your hormone levels, but this isn’t usually necessary as these can vary by the hour. Most women can start HRT without needing any investigations or blood tests.

Sometimes your doctor may want to carry out blood tests to rule out other underlying issues, such as an underactive thyroid, and they will also check your blood pressure.

If you would like to take HRT and you feel you would benefit from taking it then you should ask at your first appointment for a prescription of HRT. The majority of women benefit from taking HRT and women can start taking HRT during their perimenopause. No women is usually too old to start taking HRT, even if it is many years since your menopause then you should still be able to take HRT.

Try to leave the room with as many questions answered as possible, ask if your doctor has any leaflets or information they can share with you, and check if you need a follow-up appointment. NICE guidelines recommend a review three months after your first appointment, but you should ask for an earlier review if you are experiencing side effects or the treatment doesn’t seem to be working.

A second opinion

Unfortunately, some doctors and healthcare professionals still believe outdated reports that HRT is linked to cancer, blood clots and heart problems, so they may be reluctant to prescribe HRT. If there’s no medical reason why HRT is unsuitable for you, then it’s important to speak up and, if necessary, ask for a second opinion.

You could ask to speak to another healthcare professional at your surgery, or ask to be referred to a specialist. Alternatively, you could refer yourself to a private menopause clinic. In the UK, the British Menopause Society has a register of recognised menopause specialists at thebms.org.uk. If you live outside the UK, you can contact the International Menopause Society.

What happens if my doctor / nurse won’t give me HRT?

  • Informing your doctor about what you are wanting to discuss prior to the appointment or at the start of your consultation will help to ensure you get the most out of your consultation.
  • Know your rights as a patient. Doctors will be more likely to consider your views if you can show you are fully informed and understand what any risks are and explain clearly why you still wish to have that treatment option because of the benefits to your life and health you believe it would bring.
  • Be persistent but polite. If you do not get the desired outcome at the first appointment, try again another time. You can ask to see another doctor within your practice.

In general, your best approach when talking to your doctor about your menopause is to clearly state your reasons for what you would like, explain what information has led you to this decision, and that you know what the associated risks might be but that it is still what you choose to do. This information may need repeating on several occasions, to several doctors or nurses, but persistence often pays off when you can give a clear and rational argument that shows careful consideration of the evidence of the benefits to your health.